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lot of people ask me.. stupid f***in questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records
Or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
Or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..
Im actually gonna do it
Or that I believe in it
Well, shit.. if you believe that
Then Ill kill you
You know why?
Cuz Im a
Criminal
Criminal
You God damn right
Im a criminal
Yeah, Im a criminal
[eminem]
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
Thatll stab you in the head
Whether youre a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? the answers yes
Homophobic? nah, youre just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (ooh!)
Thats my motherf***in balls, youd better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum, youll never get hold of em
Hey, its me, versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? checkin the male?
How many records you expectin to sell
After your second lp sends you directly to jail?
Cmon!-- relax guy, I like gay men
Right, ken? give me an amen (aaa-men!)
Please lord, this boy needs jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wifes sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You cant reach me, my mom cant neither
You cant teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch tv, and comcast cable
And you aint able to stop these thoughts
You cant stop me from toppin these charts
And you cant stop me from droppin each march
With a brand new cd for these f***in retards
Duhhh, and to think, its just little ol me
Mr. dont give a f***, still wont leave
Chorus: eminem (repeat 2x)
Im a criminal
Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think its a crime
To tell em whats on my mind - I guess Im a criminal
But I dont gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
And keep goin, I dont take shit from no one
[eminem]
My mother did drugs - tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Dont dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
Im a criminal - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the f*** you sposed to grow up when you werent raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor to f*** you up quicker
Than youd wanna f*** me up for sayin the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his oval office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now dont ignore me, you wont avoid me
You cant miss me, Im white, blonde-haired
And my nose is pointy
Im the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
In plane crashes and laughs
As long as it aint happened to him
Slim shady, Im as crazy as em
-inem and kim combined - *kch* the maniacs in
Replacin the doctor cause dre couldnt make it today
Hes a little under the weather, so Im takin his place
(mm-mm-mmm!) oh, thats dre with an ak to his face
Dont make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you dre, you shouldve kept that thang put away
I guess thatll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
Im a criminal
[interlude skit]
Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherf***er
Get the motherf***in money and get the f*** up outta there
[em] aight
Ill be right here waitin on you
[em] aight
Yo em
[em] what? !
Dont kill nobody this time
[em] awwright... God damn, f***...
(whistling) how you doin?
[teller] hi, how can I help you?
[eminem] yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[teller] okay
[eminem] put the f***in money in the bag bitch
And I wont kill you!
[teller] what? oh my god, dont kill me
[eminem] Im not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin around...
[teller] dont kill me, please dont kill me...
[eminem] I said Im not gonna f***in kill you
Hurry the f*** up! {*boom*} thank you!
[eminem]
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So Ill be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
Ill hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets
This puppys lucky I didnt blast his ass yet
If I ever gave a f***, Id shave my nuts
Tuck my dick inbetween my legs and cluck
You motherf***in chickens aint brave enough
To say the stuff I say, so this tape is shut
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if its not a rapper that I make it as
Ima be a f***in rapist in a jason mask 
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